Issue 20: Confessions of an Alpha Male

Dear Epiphany Alliance Member,

From the time I was a child until I was in my early 30s, I was one of those individuals who did not “play well” with others. I always felt I was in charge of every project or circumstance that involved interaction with others. Quite frankly I was the stereotypical Alpha Male!

I rarely gave thought to who should be the designated leader … I assumed that I was so ordained by a higher source and that everyone knew it was ME and acted accordingly. I always thought, “The right way is Robert’s way.”

Fortunately, through experience (and plenty of negative reactions to my behavior), I learned (slowly) that other people have ideas, talents, and abilities that make them a better choice to be a leader or in charge of certain projects.

After the realization came the really hard part: I had to learn to be an “assistant” and help other people with their goals rather than always trying to take charge myself.

I found that assisting others is a good way to create relationships and make connections that will help you achieve your own dreams.

Karin, my wife, is naturally helpful. She has been instrumental in demonstrating how one can be accommodating and helpful and still maintain a steady track of achieving your goals.

Karin will often remark, “What’s the big deal?” She thinks if we have “trimming the hedges” on our schedule then let’s go do it!  It doesn’t matter who is doing the trimming and who is picking up the leaves. So we developed a success technique that I’ll be sharing a little later in this week’s message.

An Alpha Male style isn’t the best choice of demeanors in most situations. Why? Because the content (ideas, solutions, and your message) is met with distain or distaste of your behavior and can fall on deaf ears.

But if it doesn’t feel natural for YOU (as it didn’t for me … at first) to be in the assistant position, don’t worry. I’m going to do as I do every week and:

1.  Define the problem. 2.  Offer solutions. 3.  Provide a success technique to implement the solution.

The good news is being helpful is a skill that can be acquired if you put your mind to it! And YOU will find that the more often you’re helpful to others, the more you’ll be able use this new success skill to achieve your goals.

Content vs. Style

Everyone has different talents that make them helpful in different ways. There are people who are very good with taking care of the little details. Others are good at picking up the slack. And then there are those who prefer following over leading.

I want YOU to take this little quiz:

You and three colleagues have been tagged to begin a new ad campaign for your company’s launch of their newest product. Your first team meeting is tomorrow. You are familiar with the three others chosen to participate:

Julie – the “hot shot” who always has great ideas yet tends to be impatient to get things done.

Bill – the “veteran” who tends to approach everything with caution.

Derek – the “new guy” who really wants to show his stuff.

Who do you think will be most helpful? You may be surprised by the answer: all three!

Derek knows being new means having to prove himself to the group. One great way to prove yourself is by being helpful!

Julie, the “hot shot” – though impatient – could be helpful in keeping the team on point and on task.

Bill, the “veteran” could be helpful just because he has more insights into the company mission and style.

It doesn’t matter what role you play in your company, you can bring your own talents, perspectives, and skills to bear on being helpful in any situation. And you can learn how to be helpful just by observing how other people do it.

And YOU do that by keeping an open mind and watch content (results of actions) more than the style (may be unfamiliar).

Here’s another strategy you can use to learn how to be helpful…

The Project Manager Success Strategy

A technique Karin and I use with each other is asking a simple question: Whose project is it? Then, for every project, we divide the tasks into two roles:

• One person is the project manager.
• The other person is the assistant.

This strategy saves a lot of time and aggravation because we define at the beginning what each of our roles is in the project.

If I am the project manager, then I make the call on how things will be done. When Karin is the project manager, she makes the call.

Example #1: We both decide to work together on our next consulting sales letter. Karin will take my dictation (she likes typing) for the draft of the letter but remain silent (hard for her sometimes) because it is my project. Once the letter has been drafted Karin will weigh in with her ideas. Together we make modifications and voila … the sales letter is done.

Example #2: Karin decides she wants to trim the hedges outside in the yard. I become the assistant and help by picking up and bagging the leaves. I don’t interrupt while she is doing the trimming … I just follow behind taking care of my part of the project.

This technique has worked for us for many, many years … over 33 years and counting! We have similar goals with our projects (mostly getting them done), but we have very different approaches.

By defining the roles of project manager and assistant, the project goes smoothly and is completed faster.

You can use The Project Manager Success Strategy when working toward any goal, whether it’s with your spouse, child, or joint venture partner. It may take you a few times to get it right, but eventually the process will fall into place.

Give it a try! Next time you embark on a project with someone do the following:

A. Ask who is the project manager and who is the assistant? YOU may have to explain the technique to get the ball rolling.

• Project Manager:        _________________
• Assistant:                  _________________

B. If you are the project manager, list your goals.

• ___________________
• ___________________
• ___________________

C. As project manager, outline three ways your assistant can help you achieve those goals.

• ___________________
• ___________________
• ___________________

D. As the assistant, follow the assigned duties as outlined. Don’t argue or interrupt. Here is where YOU can practice being helpful.

Help Is All Around YOU!

Networking is a HUGE help when it comes to making your goals happen. For some people, making connections is what they do best. The more events they attend, the more people they meet, the happier they become.

For others, networking can be a challenging experience. How can you face the challenge?

First of all, the more YOU network the easier it becomes. Realize that most people enjoy being helpful. After all, networking is about sharing and seeking information. The more you seek and share, the more “connections” you’ll make.

All businesses have a basis in attaining and maintaining relationships.

But how do you connect? It depends on whether you are working on connecting inside or outside of your company or both.

On the inside: Look for ways to talk to other employees about who you are and what you do for the company, then (and this is key) offer your assistance on one of their projects.

Remember that your role will be “assistant” in these types of cases. The benefit to you? You will be viewed as a person who adds value and is willing to help. This is a surefire way to advance yourself within your company. Plus, you’ll build a sense of reciprocity in your colleague, who will be more likely to help YOU out in the future.

On the outside: Look for ways to chat with suppliers, vendors, professionals, and consultants in your industry. Perhaps you can start by meeting and greeting people at your company’s next sponsored sporting event or conference.

Here you can also offer assistance by simply asking if they need something. Another good way to network outside your company is by joining a professional group and going to all their meetings.

Four Networking Techniques YOU Can Use NOW

It may seem easier to network inside your own company than to try to build relationships with people you have never met. However, you can use these four techniques to create a connection with practically anyone:

1. Find something in common with the other person that can be used to form a relationship. Ask about their hobbies, families, or interests.

2. Make connections using the Internet. You can go online and become involved with like-minded people all over the country – and the world for that matter – by checking out business networking groups within your industry. Join a forum in your industry or sign up for a networking group. You can try online business communities like Ryze.com, Tribe.net, LinkedIn.com, and Doostang.com to “meet up” with lots of other people in your industry and related fields.

3. Volunteer for a committee (you can do this inside or outside your company). Having a role to play in a project or planning situation can make it easier to connect.

4. Follow up with anyone you meet. Exchange business cards or contact information when you first meet, then send an e-mail saying you enjoyed having the opportunity to meet them. Then offer to help OR ask for their ideas.

Like the other success techniques we’ve gone over, “being helpful” will become second nature when you actively work at it. So take action and get to work helping others today.

Make action part of your persona and I guarantee you can reach your goals, whatever they may be. YOU will reach your goals sooner and have more joy in the process.

At the end of the day am I still an Alpha Male? Absolutely! Yet I temper the strong inclination to declare myself the leader with the broader understanding that taking charge every time alienates and polarizes others.

I need others to help me get where I’m going with my goals (as YOU do, too!). Better to “play well with others.” And the easiest way is to look for ways to be helpful.

Another benefit is it feels good! I actually enjoy being helpful. And I’ve noticed it has a calming effect on my Alpha Male nature.

Keep up the good work on your goals and let us know how you are doing. We love to hear from goal members and welcome questions, comments, and success stories. Simply end us an e-mail PowerSurge@ETRFeedback.com.

And don’t forget, you can still sign up for exclusive one-on-one coaching with me. Go here for all the details.

To your success,

Bob Cox
Your Personal Success Mentor

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